A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime

Greetings!

Once as a young adult, I was in a relationship with this guy. When we first started out, it was us against the world…then eventually everything began to fall apart. The relationship became very unhealthy once infidelity, distrust, insecurities, distance, doubt, and fear reared their ugly heads. We then began to have a lot of challenges because we were doing things incorrectly, but at the time I personally did not know who I was spiritually or otherwise; so, I settled and in his eyes, he may say that he did the same. Needless to say, we were young, but at the time what we felt seemed to be so real. After we broke up, there was still an unhealthy soul tie involved. We were still linked for years because of our past, but we were operating on autopilot. For instance, even after the breakup, we remained connected and would talk from time to time. However, our conversations would always be about the past. We soon realized that there was really no connection at all except past memories. We eventually lost touch and moved in different directions, but I learned a very valuable lesson; he was in my life for only a season and not a lifetime. How many of us have tried to make season or reason people that we have met into lifetime people? It sounds crazy, right? When someone comes in your life, you must know yourself well enough to recognize what you are supposed to learn or maybe what you are supposed to be teaching. Sometimes, we are just supposed to minister to people and give them encouraging words especially when they are of the opposite sex. Other times, it may be something that the person is supposed to show us. Nonetheless, every encounter will not produce a lifetime event.

Years ago, I met this guy during a difficult time in my life. It felt like I needed a breakthrough in all areas of my life. He offered me emotional and financial support along with companionship; so, I chose to date him, for the lack of a better word, and became infatuated with him. I felt that I owed him for being there for me during that trying time. Now, you know the end to this story…it was not productive. He was in my life for a reason. That was it! Therefore, the lines should never have been crossed for more than friendship. On the contrary, one of my male friends has been in my life for some years now. Although we may find each other attractive, we have set boundaries and choose to remain friends. He once said to me, “Tasha, I value your friendship…you are a strong beautiful, intelligent queen…the spot you hold in my heart is eternal.” Now, I could confuse what he said with some romantic feelings and there have been times when people have asked me, “What is up with the two of you?” The truth of the matter is this, he and I have both agreed that we value our friendship more. Most certainly, he is in my heart for a lifetime. One day he said, “I know where you are right now; I am on some other stuff for real. If we try to go further and it don’t work out, I can’t imagine not being cool with you and I do not want to lose what we have built together as friends.” Personally, I love it and respect it to the fullest!

Now, I am sure that everyone has their own opinion about the situation, but the reality is that we work…our friendship works. He is one of my closest friends. I mean, he knows a lot about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly. He respects me and I respect him. I know what position he plays in my life as well as what position I play in his. I believe that he was sent my way to show me what qualities to expect as my lifetime mate pursues me so I am forever grateful to God for teaching me about having a healthy relationship. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22 NKJV). How many times do we mistake what role a person should be playing in our lives? We must choose to be comfortable in our own skin enough to not be moved by emotions and feelings or what we perceive things to be without discerning the matters first. Always know who you are and others will fall in place.

I challenge each of you today to know whether the people you encounter are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Keep The Faith,
Elle Jene'

To Thine Self Be True

Greetings Ladies!!

Okay, so it appears that this is a holiday blog. LOL! I last posted around Thanksgiving and now here comes Christmas. Oh well, I have been a buzzzy bee lately, but I will try my best to post more often. Nonetheless, here it goes...

I am not ashamed anymore. I used to feel incomplete. I did not always make the best choices or decisions. I did not know how to love myself at one point...oh but God. As I look over my life, I have had some good times, and some not so good, but through it all, I AM STILL STANDING STRONG. I am confident and so very proud to be the woman that God created me to be. At this time in my life, I have no regrets and I love the woman that I am today. Flaws and all! There was a time when I was not sure who I was and allowed other people's opinions to play a part in defining me.

Some of my sisterfriends and I have had conversations about relationships over the years and have pointed out some of the challenges that we have faced all for the sake of what we thought was love. It was really infatuation most of the time, but it appeared so real a lot of the times. Years ago, I really began to allow God to define love, His love (John 3:16). To be honest, I asked Him to show me how to love me the way that He does. That truly opened my eyes to a whole new world. I learned that you must truly love yourself before you can love another and know your self-worth. For instance, specifically in a romantic relationship, you must be willing to walk away if you are violated emotionally, physically, et cetera. How many of us have stayed in unhealthy relationships all for the sake of what we defined as love and it was really infatuation? How many of us have made conscientious decisions to move forward because we knew we deserved much more?

Consequently, I know a young woman who was conceived in a very tragic situation. Her mother was a drug addict and was in a situation where she got raped...this was this young woman's beginning. She was raised by a close family member who challenged her to set her goals high despite her dreadful beginning. This family member also was very open and honest with her through her upbringing; she was taught to love and respect herself in spite of her challenges. Today, at the age of 23, this young woman has finished her undergraduate degree and will soon head off to graduate school. She is currently in a romantic relationship, but chose to set boundaries from the beginning that she expressed to her male friend. If those boundaries are violated, she is not afraid to walk away no matter how she feels. She should be an inspiration to us all.

Fortunately, I am very blessed to have learned what it means to love and respect myself. I won't settle for less. I have those boundaries set and will not allow anyone to challenge me about them. In the words of a popular song, "Even if my man broke my heart today, no matter how much pain I'm in I will be okay. 'Cause I got a Man in my life that can't be replaced for His love is unconditional, it won't go away..."

Love is an action word...don't settle for the substitute. To Thine Self Be True.

Have an empowered to prosper day!

Keep The Faith,

Elle Jene'

"Never Settle: You Are A Diamond!"

Greetings!!

I contemplated for a while about starting this blog. Never do I want to be perceived as someone who is judgmental although it may come across that way to some. Oh well, this is my show, as Beyonce' would say, so here it goes. Most recently, I read an article where a young woman said that after a few long term relationships where she experienced hurt and disappointment because those relationships did not lead to marriage, then the next man that she is in a long term relationship with does not have to put a ring on it. As long as he loves her and cares for her, then she is alright with that. Okay...If all of us would just be honest about it, we would all have to say that we have experienced or know someone who has experienced hurt, disappointment or both. Although, if you have not yet, as our elders would say, "Just keep living." Now, I am not here to judge the young woman or say that she is wrong for how she feels, but I would like to give another viewpoint. As a woman who serves as a mentor to several young ladies, I simply cannot agree that a woman should settle for less. I don't care what the statistics or the naysayers have to say. If he loves you and cares for you, then he should want to put a ring on it. Diamonds Deserve Diamonds!!

Although a woman may experience some feelings of loneliness when waiting on the one that God has especially for her, she must know that special someone is looking for her. Plus, no one is an island and someone is actually looking at you to see how you respond. Continue to move forward and know that you are a diamond, whether you are currently in a relationship or not.

To my peers: "The next generation should learn from us and do even better. And, we should be willing to be transparent with them. You don't have to tell every detail of your life in order to be a positive influence in some one's life. Know that one of the best gifts that we can give to the next generation is the gift of ourselves, flaws and all, so that they can stand on our shoulders and become greater."

Well, that is all for now. I will talk with you soon.

Moving Forward...